Working in the medical industry for so long has given me a new pair of lenses to see life.
You realize that doctors are human too. That they don't know everything. They aren't Gods, even though some think they are. They aren't.
There is no 100%.
It's all a matter of gray. The risks and benefits. The percentiles and combination therapies. It is unnerving when you learn what can go wrong.
You have to have faith in the system because you know people are human.
When that system fails you; you start to question everything. Those big errors occur because of the people and the systems put in place.
A culture is formed and the lines get blurry.
When they thought my newborn had a dairy allergy, the first thing I did was research on it. I needed to know more. The internet is a scary place. You have to know where to look and go to the source.
The things that I had to do for her well-being. Being someone who personally suffered with allergies, I know how debilitating it can be, socially and mentally. You are always medicated and in a daze. Nothing is really sharp. I want better for my kids.
When I did my research and learned there's casein in the vaccines they were going to administer it made me take pause. What's in these vaccines?
I know it's such a small little dose. What is the prevalence of a severe adverse reaction? What does that look like? I had so many questions.
My background in clinical research compliance and process improvement fueled me. The fire.
I started reading the regulations and learned that they don't regulate vaccine administration and trials on the same track. When drugs are given in combination therapies, you can't attribute which drug is causing the reaction. You start to talk to professionals about it and it really made me question what was going on here. I knew there was no 100%. There was no guarantee.
I unearthed it in within myself and I struggled with it. I had one child who was completely vaxxed and now I'm questioning to administer the same vaccines to my newborn who may have a dairy allergy?
I did not administer those vaccines. I took a hold of my baby and I learned more.
Those were my dark days. The darkest days.
I see it now. I didn't then. But it was the start of a new beginning.